Another Electroconvulsive Therapy Update

I’ve had three sessions of ECT so far, nine to go. Apparently I’m having seizures the way I’m supposed to, I haven’t experienced anything more than very temporary, very short term memory loss. The muscle pain is minimal, there’s no nausea.

Leaving home at 05h30 to get there in time is downright unsociable, but infinitely preferable to being an inpatient. I still hate it though, a big part of me wants to quit (but I won’t). Today I got there at 06h30, in time for the patients’ usual morning informal and very off key hymn-along. I had my blood pressure, sugar and weight checked (I seem to be losing weight) and got changed into a hospital gown.

When I was wheeled into the theatre waiting area, the blood pressure cuff went on again. When I went into the theatre itself, I got one applied to my arm and one to my leg. The reason for that is to act as a tourniquet when the muscle relaxant is injected, the restricted blood flow leaves the limb minus muscle relaxant, and that’s where the seizure can be observed. The reason for the muscle relaxant is to avoid injuries arising from convulsions. Since I’m under general anaesthetic at the time, it’s all hearsay.

I’m told that I might notice a change around sessions five and six, I’m told that it might be after that, and that it might change how I respond to meds. Today a very sweet nurse told me to think positive. I nodded solemnly; three years into a serious depressive episode I can’t even remember what positive means.